9 Things You Can Do To Become A Better Friend

A good support system is so important. Being surrounded by the right people makes life so much easier. If you have a few friends you can rely on when things get rough or share happy news and who increase your happiness by getting even more excited than you, you’ve made it. 

And maybe you have a great set of friends, you all get along, and you’re there for each other. But from time-to-time, you do stupid things that jeopardize your friendship. I know I have. I’m not referring to the basic stuff that makes a friendship what it is- being there for each other, supporting each other, being there for them when they’re down. 

There are a few subtle things that we don’t really think of, but they can really ruin a friendship. 
There are other subtle nuances that are so important when it comes to keeping your relationship with your closest friends strong. There’s nothing as heartbreaking as a broken friendship, not even a broken relationship. Which is why I want to share these tips from my experience.

Here are a few things you can do to be a great friend:

True friends don’t get jealous of their friends’ achievements. If your best friend gets engaged, gets a raise or is going on an amazing holiday, don’t be envious. Be happy for them. If you’re the type of friend that gets envious, your friend will know. After a point, they’ll stop sharing their good news with you and that’s not a good sign for a good friendship. If you can’t stop feeling envious, ask yourself how you can become more secure in yourself. Know that you can get every happiness for yourself, too.

Don’t gossip about your friends to other friends. By gossiping, I mean talking about your friends in a bad way. Being judgmental about what a friend is going through and then picking that apart with other friends is not a nice thing to do. If you think what a friend is doing is not right, keep it to yourself. Your friends’ lives should not be content for negative conversation.

If you’re mad at them, let them be the first to know. Don’t tell another friend that you’re mad at a friend. First, clear it out with the friend you’re angry with. Otherwise, you’re ruining the reputation of one friend with the other, and then once everything is okay between you and your friend, you have to then tell the other friend that everything is now okay between you and that friend. It’s too much work!

Don’t share your friends’ secrets. This should be an obvious one but sometimes we get tempted to tell a friend something another friend has told us strictly in confidence. It’s not even about your friends clearly specifying that what they are telling you is confidential. You need to develop the discretion as to what can be shared and what can’t be shared. Ask yourself- if the news were about you, would you want a friend saying it to others?

Know when to listen and offer support and know when to help. Sometimes we just want a friend to hear us out. Just that helps us feel better. We don’t necessarily want advice. So when a friend is telling you about a problem, you can ask them something like- is this a problem where you need my advice or where you just need me to listen?Don’t be an askhole. An askhole is a person who asks you for your suggestion then disregards it completely. If you’re not going to follow their suggestion, don’t ask. It makes your friend feel disrespected and unimportant, not to mention making you look completely foolish. If you really have a problem that needs solving, ask one or two friends that you know can help you with that particular problem. Don’t be that friend who asks every single friend about a problem then goes and does the opposite of what everyone said.
Don’t dump on your friends. One of my best friends, Amy, had told me this and I loved it. She said that when she’s had a bad day she likes to go and watch a movie alone in the cinema because it helps her forget her problems. She said she doesn’t call a friend and ‘dump’ her bad day on them and bring them down. And I thought that that was so wise. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t tell your friends about sad news or when you’re having a tough time. I’m saying don’t do it too often and for small things. Be mature and independent enough to handle your situations yourself and only when you really need support or help, talk to your friend. Depending completely on your friend when any little thing goes wrong is unhealthy for you as a person and for your friendship. No matter how kind your friends are, they’ll eventually get tired of you not being able to self-soothe.

Be honest, but not brutal. Don’t be that friend who sugarcoats everything and never tells their friend the truth about their job or their relationship or about food stuck in their teeth. Telling the truth may make you lose friends, but they’re not the type of friends you want anyway. P.S- tell the truth nicely. No need to be brutal about it. If you have a friend who is constantly being brutally honest and throwing what you do wrong in your face, reconsider the friendship. Friends are nice to each other. 

Don’t be a chronic complainer. I’ve had a lot of {ex} friends who loved complaining about their life and everything in it. Even if I pointed out an obvious solution to their problem, they wouldn’t take it. {Similar to being an askhole}. It was obvious that they loved their miserable lives and loved to complain. Being in the company of such friends is exhausting. If you’re a chronic complainer, reduce your whining and try to be more grateful. If you have friends like these, either explain to them that this is frustrating for you as a friend, or gradually cut them off and find better friends who are more positive and take action to solve their problems.

Remember that the best way of finding good friends is by being one. Following these rules has definitely worked for me and I’m blessed with amazing friends. Being honest, perceptive and compassionate in your friendships will make them stronger. By following the tips above, you’ll start to become a better person and a better friend.

Dress: c/o Khaleeji Girl Kouture, Earrings: from Thailand, Bracelet: Gifted, Watch, Bag: Parfois, Shoes: Aldo. Location courtesy: Madeleine. Photos: Ancita SherelOn a style note, this gorgeous dress is from Khaleeji Girl Kouture. I'm a huge fan of elegant midi dresses. I love that it's a wrap dress, which is so flattering. Unlike other wrap dresses, the neck is not too deep. Because of the wrap, the hemline is slightly longer in the front which adds more interest to the dress. The colour is a beautiful neutral taupe, making it the perfect work dress. I love that the sleeves stop before the wrist, adding that effortless element to it. Because this is a wrap dress, I always make sure I'm wearing shorts underneath it. You can also wear a lacy corset or bralette under in case the neck starts to gape when you're sitting. Lace sneak peeks are so elegant, especially when it's on the neckline. Wrap dresses usually become loose {since they're tied} so you have to be extra careful when wearing them and wear pretty inners. Because the dress is a simple neutral, I wore bright earrings with it. I got these handmade earrings at the Fisherman's Village Night Market in Bophut, Koh Samui, in Thailand. I love the fresh sea colours. I wore pumps in a gold and black jacquard fabric to add more elegance and length to the look and finished with a big bag in a deep navy blue for a pop of colour.This is such a go-to work dress. When you don't know what to wear or are in a hurry, this is the dress. I can't wait to wear it again with different shoes and accessories. I've already purchased a few different lace corsets to go with it. Until next time, xoxo

Shabana Feroze

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