The Silver Kick Diaries: Life Musings

Showing posts with label Life Musings. Show all posts

How to Feel Calm, Confident and in Control

Posted by Shabana Feroze September 17, 2020

It's no big secret that many people believe society places a heavy expectation on women to be ALL things to ALL people. From advertising campaigns that feature women with 'perfect' bodies through to magazines that highlight celebrities' perceived flaws. Everywhere you look, there are images encouraging women to compare themselves to others and live up to an airbrushed ideal. Being exposed to these images regularly means that they become accepted as the norm. This serves to add to the expectation to be perfect in every way.

The fact is, no one's perfect, and why should they be? Differences are to be celebrated and not viewed as an opportunity to compare and criticize. You have to accept your differences. You have to let go of the idea of conforming to other people's notions of "perfect". If you want to feel calmer, more confident, and feel in charge of your life, these tips should help you feel empowered to be all those things.

Choose Your Friends

Unfortunately, it's not just the endless advertising content and media pressure that make us women feel bad about themselves. Instead, criticism can also come from friends and family. Uh, hello, aunt with the loaded comments pointing out that you've gained a few pounds. This is unacceptable, and not something that you should put up with. Friends that criticize and insist that they're only telling you for your own good are not always good people to be around.

Spending time with people that make you feel good, respect you, and value you as you are is vital for your self-esteem. There's already enough pressure out there. You don't want more of it piled on by friends.

Be in the Moment

It's so easy to become overwhelmed by modern life. Social media pressure, demanding bosses, and other commitments. It can mean that you're never able to switch off and fully relax. If you feel like you're stuck on a hamster wheel and unable to stop it spinning, then it's time to take a step back. Being 'on' all the time can seriously drain your energy. You may feel permanently exhausted and constantly stressed out.

Finding a method that enables you to chill out and just be is essential to prevent you from exhausting yourself. Mindfulness is a popular and effective way to learn how to be in the moment. And to stop yourself from getting caught up in your thoughts.

If you often find yourself overthinking and questioning yourself, you may find mindfulness particularly helpful. If you're interested in learning about mindfulness, you'll find that there are many resources you can use, including mindfulness websites and apps.

Feel Empowered by Your Choices

Making decisions and choosing to live life your way is the best way to feel more confident. This level of empowerment gives your self-esteem a huge boost. Decide how you want to live your life. Then take decisive action to make this a reality. This will ensure that you're living in a way that's true to yourself.

Maybe you've decided that you want to run your own business. If so, you could set this idea in motion by taking the first small steps towards making it a reality. And see your dream come true. Perhaps you've decided that you don't want to have kids right now, or at all. In this situation, you may want to research which contraceptive option is best for you - a copper IUD vs mirena. Whatever your situation, and however you want to live your life, taking the first step will empower you to continue to work towards creating a life that you love.

Get Fit on Your Terms

Being fit is not about altering how you look or trying to achieve a lower number on the scale. Being physically fit goes beyond being slim or having toned abs. It's about taking care of yourself. It's about making sure you feel strong and ready for anything that life throws at you.

Rather than aiming to emulate the body of your favorite celebrity, why not focus instead on what you want to achieve by getting fit? Challenging yourself to meet your fitness goals and then working towards them. This is an excellent way to channel your energy into something positive and to build your self-esteem in the process. When you let go of using exercise as merely a means to get a perfect body, you take off a lot of pressure off of yourself.

When it comes to exercising, the most important thing is to choose an activity that you enjoy. Why force yourself to do exercise that doesn't suit you or that you really hate? It makes it difficult to stay motivated and to keep working towards your fitness goals.

There are so many different kinds of workouts available today. Find a few you love doing. Whether you want to learn how to salsa or prefer group fitness classes, you're sure to find a way to exercise that you love.

Take Care of Yourself

Staying calm, being confident, and in control of your life doesn't mean that you need to detach yourself from your feelings and focus solely on self-improvement. It's the opposite. Accepting yourself for who you are and taking steps to transform your life into a life that you love. It's about empowerment rather than improvement. This means understanding what you want from life and then having the confidence to pursue it calmly. Not for the purpose of meeting the expectations of others, but doing it for yourself. And recognizing that you deserve to achieve whatever you want to in life.

By recognizing your own needs, listening to your instincts, and being kind to yourself, you'll break free from expectations and start living on your own terms.

Shabana Feroze

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Friends Friendship How To Life Musings Outfit Post

9 Things You Can Do To Become A Better Friend

Posted by Shabana Feroze December 03, 2019

A good support system is so important. Being surrounded by the right people makes life so much easier. If you have a few friends you can rely on when things get rough or share happy news and who increase your happiness by getting even more excited than you, you’ve made it.

And maybe you have a great set of friends, you all get along, and you’re there for each other. But from time-to-time, you do stupid things that jeopardize your friendship. I know I have. I’m not referring to the basic stuff that makes a friendship what it is- being there for each other, supporting each other, being there for them when they’re down.

There are a few subtle things that we don’t really think of, but they can really ruin a friendship.

There are other subtle nuances that are so important when it comes to keeping your relationship with your closest friends strong. There’s nothing as heartbreaking as a broken friendship, not even a broken relationship. Which is why I want to share these tips from my experience.

Here are a few things you can do to be a great friend:

True friends don’t get jealous of their friends’ achievements. If your best friend gets engaged, gets a raise or is going on an amazing holiday, don’t be envious. Be happy for them. If you’re the type of friend that gets envious, your friend will know. After a point, they’ll stop sharing their good news with you and that’s not a good sign for a good friendship. If you can’t stop feeling envious, ask yourself how you can become more secure in yourself. Know that you can get every happiness for yourself, too.

Don’t gossip about your friends to other friends. By gossiping, I mean talking about your friends in a bad way. Being judgmental about what a friend is going through and then picking that apart with other friends is not a nice thing to do. If you think what a friend is doing is not right, keep it to yourself. Your friends’ lives should not be content for negative conversation.

If you’re mad at them, let them be the first to know. Don’t tell another friend that you’re mad at a friend. First, clear it out with the friend you’re angry with. Otherwise, you’re ruining the reputation of one friend with the other, and then once everything is okay between you and your friend, you have to then tell the other friend that everything is now okay between you and that friend. It’s too much work!

Don’t share your friends’ secrets. This should be an obvious one but sometimes we get tempted to tell a friend something another friend has told us strictly in confidence. It’s not even about your friends clearly specifying that what they are telling you is confidential. You need to develop the discretion as to what can be shared and what can’t be shared. Ask yourself- if the news were about you, would you want a friend saying it to others?

Know when to listen and offer support and know when to help. Sometimes we just want a friend to hear us out. Just that helps us feel better. We don’t necessarily want advice. So when a friend is telling you about a problem, you can ask them something like- is this a problem where you need my advice or where you just need me to listen?

Don’t be an askhole. An askhole is a person who asks you for your suggestion then disregards it completely. If you’re not going to follow their suggestion, don’t ask. It makes your friend feel disrespected and unimportant, not to mention making you look completely foolish. If you really have a problem that needs solving, ask one or two friends that you know can help you with that particular problem. Don’t be that friend who asks every single friend about a problem then goes and does the opposite of what everyone said.

Don’t dump on your friends. One of my best friends, Amy, had told me this and I loved it. She said that when she’s had a bad day she likes to go and watch a movie alone in the cinema because it helps her forget her problems. She said she doesn’t call a friend and ‘dump’ her bad day on them and bring them down. And I thought that that was so wise. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t tell your friends about sad news or when you’re having a tough time. I’m saying don’t do it too often and for small things. Be mature and independent enough to handle your situations yourself and only when you really need support or help, talk to your friend. Depending completely on your friend when any little thing goes wrong is unhealthy for you as a person and for your friendship. No matter how kind your friends are, they’ll eventually get tired of you not being able to self-soothe.

Be honest, but not brutal. Don’t be that friend who sugarcoats everything and never tells their friend the truth about their job or their relationship or about food stuck in their teeth. Telling the truth may make you lose friends, but they’re not the type of friends you want anyway. P.S- tell the truth nicely. No need to be brutal about it. If you have a friend who is constantly being brutally honest and throwing what you do wrong in your face, reconsider the friendship. Friends are nice to each other.

Don’t be a chronic complainer. I’ve had a lot of {ex} friends who loved complaining about their life and everything in it. Even if I pointed out an obvious solution to their problem, they wouldn’t take it. {Similar to being an askhole}. It was obvious that they loved their miserable lives and loved to complain. Being in the company of such friends is exhausting. If you’re a chronic complainer, reduce your whining and try to be more grateful. If you have friends like these, either explain to them that this is frustrating for you as a friend, or gradually cut them off and find better friends who are more positive and take action to solve their problems.

Remember that the best way of finding good friends is by being one. Following these rules has definitely worked for me and I’m blessed with amazing friends. Being honest, perceptive and compassionate in your friendships will make them stronger. By following the tips above, you’ll start to become a better person and a better friend.

Dress: c/o Khaleeji Girl Kouture, Earrings: from Thailand, Bracelet: Gifted, Watch, Bag: Parfois, Shoes: Aldo. Location courtesy: Madeleine. Photos: Ancita SherelOn a style note, this gorgeous dress is from Khaleeji Girl Kouture. I'm a huge fan of elegant midi dresses. I love that it's a wrap dress, which is so flattering. Unlike other wrap dresses, the neck is not too deep. Because of the wrap, the hemline is slightly longer in the front which adds more interest to the dress. The colour is a beautiful neutral taupe, making it the perfect work dress. I love that the sleeves stop before the wrist, adding that effortless element to it. Because this is a wrap dress, I always make sure I'm wearing shorts underneath it. You can also wear a lacy corset or bralette under in case the neck starts to gape when you're sitting. Lace sneak peeks are so elegant, especially when it's on the neckline. Wrap dresses usually become loose {since they're tied} so you have to be extra careful when wearing them and wear pretty inners. Because the dress is a simple neutral, I wore bright earrings with it. I got these handmade earrings at the Fisherman's Village Night Market in Bophut, Koh Samui, in Thailand. I love the fresh sea colours. I wore pumps in a gold and black jacquard fabric to add more elegance and length to the look and finished with a big bag in a deep navy blue for a pop of colour.This is such a go-to work dress. When you don't know what to wear or are in a hurry, this is the dress. I can't wait to wear it again with different shoes and accessories. I've already purchased a few different lace corsets to go with it. Until next time, xoxo

Shabana Feroze

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How To Life Musings Outfit Post Relationships

A Brown Girl's Tips To Make Your Relationship With Your Mother Better

Posted by Shabana Feroze October 17, 2019

As brown girls, our relationship with our mother is a complicated one. Their life experience and how they were raised is very different from ours. Just the jump in technology has made our world starkly different than theirs. Even our values and what we consider important in life are completely different from our mothers.

All these things can cause a lot of rifts, fights, and disagreements with your mother. She wants you to live your life a certain way and you have your own plan for your life. I know, I’ve been there.

After a lot of fights and arguments and me moving out and living alone {it’s a bizarre thing to do being 1) an unmarried

girl, and 2), in a tiny place like Bahrain} and then moving back in with my parents, I think I’ve finally cracked the code to my relationship with my mother. Today I can truthfully say that I love living with my parents and I have a wonderful relationship with my mom. We fight and have our differences, sure, but we get along like the very cliched best friends. I cannot imagine my life without talking to her every day.

Because of this, I firmly believe that you should do whatever it takes to get your relationship right with your mother. Whether that’s making a change in how you communicate with her or trying to understand her better, or even moving out and living on your own. {Sometimes the best way to love your family is from a distance.}

I see a lot of my girlfriends struggling with the exact same issues I had with my mother, and on occasion, I have given them advice on how to solve those problems. It worked and helped them smooth tensions with their moms. One of my girlfriends specifically asked me to write this blog post so other women can read it and it would hopefully help them in their relationship with their mother.

It goes without saying that if your mother or parents are abusive, by all means, walk away. This post is not for you.

Before I begin, let me make the purpose clear of why I think you need to do this- why you need to make things better with your mom, or your parents for that matter. Because they’re not going to be around forever. And when that happens, you’ll regret that you didn’t put in more effort to make things better with them. You’ll regret you didn’t show them how much you love them.

Tips on how you can make your relationship with your mother a better one:

Keep the intention in mind. All the nagging and fighting usually comes from a place of love and protecting you, which we often overlook. Your mother’s intention is to make sure you’re happy and that you’re not setting yourself up for hurt. If you always keep this in mind, you’ll be more patient with her.

Understand that she needs your attention and love. When she's getting irritated with you or nagging you, give her a hug and tell her how much you love her. It will help calm her and make her feel loved.

Appreciate her. Mothers are the most under-appreciated beings on earth. They do so much for us, whether we live with them or not. Whenever my mother makes breakfast or does something for me, I make it a point to appreciate it by saying something like, “thank you for making breakfast for me today”. It can make such a big difference to your relationship.

Keep her in the loop about your life. We often unknowingly shut our mothers out of our lives. Tell her about what’s worrying you, what you’re looking forward to at work, show her which dress you want to buy. You don’t have to completely involve her in your life, but telling her what’s going on will make her feel like she’s a part of it {which she should always be}.

Make her laugh. I love making my mother laugh. Whether it’s by doing something silly or by telling her a funny anecdote or making fun of her. She needs that lightness in her very busy and stressful life.

Take her out. If your mom is anything like mine, all she does is work, work, work. She does the chores at home, she works at our shop. It’s non-stop. And even though she drives, she’ll never go anywhere by herself. As a daughter, one of the best things you can do for your mom is to take her out to different places or even on holiday. It makes for great mother-daughter bonding time. I’ve taken my mom on holidays and I’ve seen such a fun, carefree side to her that I have never seen before. So take her out on the weekends. Go for a movie with her. Take her to the mall.

Make her do self-care. Our moms will never do anything nice for themselves, by themselves. They’re always worrying about us and their husbands. In fact, worrying is their no.1 job. So it’s up to you to make her do something nice for herself. Make a face mask for her, force her to sit down and take a break, treat her to a massage. Just make sure she relaxes.

Ask her advice. Your mother has seen so much more of the world than you have. She has a lot of experience, especially with people, because of having to deal with all the various relations around her. But most importantly, no one will ever know you the way your mother does. Ask her for her advice on situations in your life. You might not like her suggestions at times, but I've found that my mother has always been right about how I feel or how a person or a situation in my life can hurt me. Or she shows me an angle to my problem that I didn’t see and it really helps me solve the problem or see the situation in a different light. Asking your mother her advice will make her feel needed, which brings me to my last point-

Make her feel needed. No matter what you do, never make your mother feel unneeded. We tend to think that becoming independent women means not needing our mothers anymore and making sure they know it. This is the biggest pain point for a mother. Because no matter how old you get, it’s always wonderful for her to know that you’ll always need her. So ask her advice, ask you to help her, call her when you’re sick and ask her to baby you. Show her how important she is in your life even though you’re all grown up now. {Don’t be a drama queen and create drama just to get her attention, obvs.}

If you’ve noticed, most of my advice is on how to make your mother feel better about herself and relaxed. Only as daughters, we can understand our mother and her struggles. If she feels good about herself, it will automatically improve your relationship with her.

Also, every relationship is unique and maybe these points won’t apply to yours. Like I said before, I only speak from my own experience. But hopefully, these tips will help you not just realize the importance of having a great relationship with your mother, but also improve your mother-daughter bond.

P.S: This post has been read by my mother before posting and she wholeheartedly approves the points written above.

Top and Skirt: Saji's Couture, Earrings: from India, Shoes: New Look, Location courtesy: The Woods Cafe. Photos: Ancita Sherel.

What other tips would you offer to make your relationship with your mother better?

Life Update // Comparing the Last Year to Now

Posted by Shabana Feroze September 16, 2019

As we’re in the last quarter of this year, I find myself reflecting on how it was different from last year.

Last year was extremely challenging. There were more unpleasant life events than good ones. And these were huge things. For starters, in March I stopped giving fitness classes at a gym I had been teaching in for 4 years. I stopped because of mistreatment by management. It was a tough decision to walk away as that meant saying goodbye to a lot of wonderful students.

I was so depressed. I put on weight. It took me a long time to find another gym where I was happy teaching. After many months I finally started teaching regularly again.

Then on June 5, our beloved cat Snarf passed away. To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I’ve never had a pet pass away. The grief was like the biggest weight on my chest, crushing me with its heaviness. I couldn't stop crying and had terrible nightmares each night. I just couldn't believe he was gone so suddenly.

You might wonder why I never spoke about his passing on my blog or any of my social channels last year. It’s because every time I thought about posting anything, my eyes would swim with tears. I just couldn't bring myself to write anything about him. It was the hardest thing I have had to cope with. It took me a long time to heal and for the nightmares to stop.

{The nightmares actually stopped only when we adopted a new kitten. Then we had to give him away after a few weeks as our adult cat was not accepting him. That was another terrible life event. Urrrghhh.}

One amazing thing that happened in 2018, though, was that I moved my business from a home office to an office space. Plus I was {and still am} sharing the office space with some of my best friends who are some of the most amazing people I know. So that was an achievement and a pleasant change.

Unfortunately, all of this happened at the same time Snarf passed away, so it was the biggest challenge to handle everything - the devastating grief and the office move. It was a lot to handle. But what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. I had no other choice but to suck it up and be strong. I couldn't abandon my business and cry all day, no matter how much I wanted to. Today, I feel like dealing with all that has made me tougher and more compassionate.

This year

Comparing all of those challenging situations to this year, this year has been incredible. A lot of great things happened.

My business expanded exponentially with different projects, clients and departments this year. I have the loveliest and most talented team. It's insane how much I love working with them. We laugh every day and take on new challenges in the most badass ways.

Another work-related goal was doing up the interiors of my office. It was such a happy experience. From picking out the furniture {YAY for Ikea opening here last year!} to the wallpaper to the decor, I did it all. And it was so much fun! It has been a long-cherished dream of mine to have my own office and do it up exactly how I want to.

As for my fitness classes, I'm now teaching at gyms I really like. I give classes mainly in five-star hotel gyms now, which is a step up. I experiment and have fun with different group exercise classes. I even teach free sessions in my building gym only for the ladies living there, and we have a blast. Looking back, leaving the old gym and my familiar routine helped me spark my creativity and pushed me out of my comfort zone.

This year I had to get a lot of dental work done. It’s never a pleasant experience going to the dentist every week but because of it, my smile has become so much better. It's something I have wanted for a long, long time and I am so happy with the way my teeth look now. It gives me so much more confidence.

Another area that gives me more confidence is my clothes collection. My style has evolved to become more elegant and bolder. I wanted one-of-a-kind pieces that are from sustainable sources, made from high-quality materials. Saji's Couture really delivers on this need and now my entire wardrobe is filled with personalized, customized couture from them. All the pieces are very 'me' which is why I'm completely in love with ALL the clothes hanging in my cupboard. There's no piece that doesn't spark joy. Getting dressed every day in my beautiful clothes is such a pleasure.

Decluttering last year using the KonMari method for my clothes {and everything else} really helped me have a wardrobe in which every single piece sparks joy, and it has continued until today because I make sure every new piece I get also sparks joy. I'll soon write a blog on how you can do this, too.

Coming to my personal life, I made one new close friend since last year and that friendship makes me so happy. I've also pushed myself to attend more social gatherings and make more friends. This is difficult for an introvert like me, but it's necessary to avoid feeling lonely and to have people around when you need them the most. And of course, I have the absolute best family who I love living with. This includes two cats that are at war with each other.

Clothes: Saji's Couture, Bag, Jewellery, Watch: Parfois, Shoes: Aldo

All in all, life has been amazing so far this year. I'm having the best time of my life in all areas. I feel at peace with myself, which is the ultimate goal.

I can't wait to see what the next year brings.

Until next time,

xoxo

Shabana Feroze

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