Holding Onto Summer & The Self-Hate For Putting On Weight

Summer is on its way out and here I am, still desperately holding on to it. I still haven't worn all my summer dresses. And I just bought these gorgeous sandal heels! Come back, summer! It's always the same when summer ends. I want it to stay longer just so I can wear all my summer things. But I also want the heat to calm down, because, well, it's HOT. This transition from summer to winter {and from March to May when it's transitioning from winter to summer} is the best time in Bahrain. It's the closest thing we have to autumn. Last year winter was almost non-existent. Let's see what happens this year. And don't be surprised if I continue wearing my sundresses and heels when the rest of the world is in knits and boots.

The Outfit

This dress is part of a bunch of dresses I bought from Aliexpress a while back when there was a big sale going on. 50s style A-line dresses are a big love of mine, more so if they're floral. See my other 50s style floral dresses here, here, here and here

I fell in love with this dress because of its vibrant colours and print. What I wasn't expecting when I got it is how thick and durable the cloth would be. It feels like a thick cotton, so it's a very comfortable wear. Usually, these dresses are a thin, slightly shiny polyester which I don't mind, but this one is cotton and that makes it great for summer. 

It has a zipper down the back and a belt attached to the sides which you can tie either in the front or the back. My only peeve is that these dresses are always available in the same cut - sleeveless, with the same type of neckline. Which is why I've stopped myself from getting more and started buying dresses in different cuts and shapes. I have a tendency to overdo it when I find a shape that flatters my straight frame. {It's such a relief now that I can get any kind of dress stitched by Sajida of Saji's Couture and she lets me know what will look good or won't.} But right now there are different types of dresses available on the same link of this dress, with collars and in different prints. 

These types of dresses usually don't have a lining inside. So I wear them with a skirt petticoat and cycling shorts. You can find the petticoats in clothing shops in Manama Souq. I got a pair of lace trim legging shorts from Shein specifically to wear under dresses and skirts, and I love them! If you don't have a thigh gap and live in a crazy humid place like Bahrain, you need cotton shorts to wear under skirts and dresses so the inside of your thighs don't get sticky as they rub against each other when you walk. It's such an icky feeling. I got these shorts as they're a cotton and lycra mix and not spandex like other cycling shorts. That material makes you sweat even more. And who likes sweaty inner thighs. Eugh. 

I got a bunch of heels from New Look recently. They're closing down in Bahrain, and lots of their bigger heel sizes were available for great prices. I've always wanted really simple strappy heels but always thought my feet are too ugly for those kinds of shoes. Miraculously, these heels actually make my feet look pretty. The fuchsia colour was love-at-first-sight, and because the ankle strap is so high and wide, these heels are very comfortable to wear. The straps are of satin cloth, which also makes them more comfortable. They don't cut into the skin.

These heels were the perfect pairing with this dress as they bring out the fuchsia in the print, and embody the summer vibe completely. 

I put my hair up in a high ponytail, wore diamond-shaped geometric earrings in white gold, and a simple watch. A boxy bag in dark pink completes the look and matches the heels. 

Dress: Sisjuly from Aliexpress, Earrings: Al Jasra Jewellery, Watch: Borrowed from mom, Bag: Parfois, Heels: New Look.

Body Issues

Let's talk about putting on weight. I have recently put on a few pounds, and I'm trying not to obsess over it. When you're really used to being a certain size and weight, and you're an ex-anorexic like me {read all about my experience with anorexia in my book, Loving Yourself In Style}, it's very hard to accept that you've put on a few. 

It's more humiliating for me {in my head} because I'm a fitness instructor and I want to be the fittest I can be so I'm a good role model for those who attend my fitness classes and for all of you who follow me for my posts on health and fitness. Somehow all the weight has gone into my upper arms and it's making me soooooo irritated. I just want to get my nice slender muscular arms back. :( Having the body type that naturally has heavy upper arms, I've always focused on keeping them as fat-free and slim as I can. Now that they've become heavier again, I can't keep my mind off of them. It makes me stop and think twice before wearing sleeveless dresses like these.

And I'm trying not to let it get to me. I'm working out more and eating right, but what drives you crazy at a time like this is the constant nagging in your head that makes you so conscious of yourself. It keeps telling you that you should be doing more more more to lose weight.

So for all of you out there in the same boat as me, I feel you. When the voice in your head gets really annoying and negative, you have to remind yourself that it's OKAY. It's okay to put on a few. Stop beating yourself up about it. If anyone points out that you're fat now, beat them up! 

You're only human and your weight will fluctuate during your lifetime. You still have an amazing, beautiful body, so enjoy it. If your clothes get tighter and make you feel more insecure, donate them! I did. Get clothes that flatter the body shape you have now and don't cry about not being able to fit into your favourite dress or skinny jeans. GET OVER IT. 

Wear whatever makes you feel like the goddess you are and rock it with your smile and confidence. And know that if you put on a few, you can go back to the size you were. You can sculpt your body as you want it to look. Nothing is stopping you. Just don't let your body insecurities make you feel like shit. Enjoy food. Enjoy exercise. And keep loving yourself.

Until next time,

Shabana Feroze

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