How I Stopped Being a Control Freak (And How You Can, Too)

I used to be that person. The person who hated it when things didn’t go a certain way or how I envisioned them. I would get really worked up and upset if I couldn't control certain situations or things or how a place should look like. 

In other words, I used to be a control freak.

But soon I realized life doesn’t work that way. Life is messy and chaotic. The fact is, you just CAN NOT control every person and every situation in life. And the more you try, the more stressed out you become. 

The biggest lie about wanting to control everything is that you believe it’ll make your life better and easier. But getting things under control is like a short-term drug. When you’ve finally managed to do it, you feel high. Until the next situation comes up that you just can’t control.

Another perceived benefit why you try to control is because you think you’ll feel at peace when you have everything “under control”. But you’re really not at peace. Because you need everything a certain way, even the smallest thing going awry will make you feel upset and you’ll spend time and effort trying to make everything right again.

Of course, the reason why we like to control everything is that we FEAR that if we don’t, the result won’t be how we like it or what we got before. And like all fears, we need to let go or face them to move forward in life. 

I realized this and I started to let go of control. I’d be in situations where I wanted things a certain way. I would INSIST on them to be that way. Even if all persons and circumstances and the entire universe were preventing it. Then I’d ask myself, wait, WHY am I so hung up on this? WHY can’t I let go? There has to be some flaw in me that makes me insist on things going my way. 

So I tried to stop becoming fixated on having power and a say over everything and let others do things their way. Or let the situation manage itself. And each time I let go of control, things just fell into place. It was amazing. 

I then trained myself to keep doing that. Whenever I would get caught up in situations where out of habit I insisted on things being a certain way, I’d take a moment, realize that I was holding too tightly to what I thought was right, and then think, hey, I can let go of this. And even if everything didn’t sort itself out magically, at least I let go of that stress and insistence on doing things my way. 

To give you an example, I like everything neat and organized. The rest of my family is not as neat as I am. Since we live together, our home isn’t as neat and put-together as I want it to be. I used to get extremely worked up about it and tried my hardest to make everything super tidy and minimalistic. It only ended up with me becoming frustrated and irritated with my family. 

I realized that I had to let go. It’s their home as well and for them, this is the way that makes them happy and comfortable. So now even when I see clothes lying around or something that's not in its place, I force myself to let it go. I keep my room as organized and KonMari’d as I like. When the clutter of the rest of the house gets to me, I go into my room and I feel calmer. 

Letting go of control doesn’t mean that I don’t do ANYthing my way anymore. It just means I don’t get wound up when things DON’T go my way. 

The biggest benefit of this is that you open yourself up to new ways of doing things. You learn new things simply by accident - because what you wanted to do didn’t work out so you had to use another way. And that way turned out to be better. 

So if you’re a person who absolutely needs to have everything under control at all times, give this a try. Start to let go of things bit by bit. When you feel resistance or you feel like you just can’t control a situation, give in. You might be pleasantly surprised at how much more relaxed it makes you and how easy the outcome of the situation is.

Also- it makes you a much more likeable person. Just sayin’.

On a style note, how happy am I that brogues and oxfords for women are so popular right now? They were a trend a few years ago and they were too stylized and OTT at the time. Now you get them in much simpler styles and shapes, and they’re available everywhere. So much so that yours truly could get a few in her crazy-big foot size. They’re so common now that I’m almost seeing ballet flats dying out. Yesssssssssssss. *does a victory dance*

I actually DID a victory dance. There you go.

I love how brogues and oxfords go with everything and make any look super-polished and elegant. And of course, they’re comfortable AF. They add just the right amount of preppiness to your outfit and they’re such a great shoe choice for the office. I’m loving the new trend of brogues with platforms and I’ve bought a funky metallic gold pair that I’m dying to do a shoot in!

Clothes: Saji's Couture, Bag & Rings: Gifted, Watch: Parfois, Sunglasses & Shoes: Aldo

P.S: If you love these posts on self-love and self-improvement, you'll love my book, Loving Yourself In Style. It's on summer sale now so click this link and get your copy!

Let me know in the comments if you like the idea of letting go of control, or shall we say stop being a control-freak, and if you’re going to try it. Also, let me know if you hate ballet flats as much as I do!
Until next time,


Shabana Feroze

No comments:

Post a Comment

Leave me a comment! I love reading what you've got to say!

[name=About Me] [img=] [description=I'm an entrepreneur, published author, fitness instructor and artist. But most of all, I'm me. And I LOVE being me. Through this blog, I want to inspire you to love being you, too. I enjoy dressing up, chasing my passions, travelling the world, staying fit and encouraging others to do the same. If you'd like to know more, click the Who I Am tab on the top of the site! Thank you for reading my blog!] (facebook= (instagram= (twitter= (bloglovin= (pinterest=