Let me tell you about Frieda. She's my dad's cousin's wife. (And no, her second name is NOT Pinto, who I think is grossly overrated). She has a superpower. And I don't think she knows it. Here it is: She listens when people talk to her. I don't mean just listens, like most people do- making sure there's nothing covering their ears. No, I mean really, truly, interestedly listens.

This is one of the things that annoys me the most in life right next to Ugg boots and fast food. Non-listeners. They're a dime-a-dozen. They're almost every person you meet, whether it's an old friend after a long time, or a new acquaintance, relatives or even immediate family. WHY DON'T PEOPLE LISTEN?

Now I'm obviously a good listener or else I wouldn't be writing this. I try very hard to be a Super Listener. I love listening. But I'm human too and sometimes I want to share. And I find very, very few people who listen, leave alone who are 'good' listeners. 



For instance I met this friend after many years and wanted to catch up with what was going on in her life. So I listened to her talk endlessly about her studies, her job, her life in general. Then there was an awkward pause where she ran out of things to say. However it never occurred to her that she could ask the same things about me! I'm not one to share without being asked so I left it at that.

Another time I went to meet a group of friends over dinner. There were a few new faces and I listened as one girl shared about her cruel ma-in-law, others spoke about their work, the place they had been and so on. But not a single one of them asked me 'How are you doing' or 'Hey, how's life?'! Rude? Mucho. Needless to say I won't go when they invite me again.

That's why I'm plain astonished when I meet a good listener. I want to catch them by their shoulders and say "You're listening! You are really listening to me! I can't believe it!" I want to recognize their efforts, I want to give them a trophy on stage in front of an audience of non-listeners and say "These are the people who will be LOVED and will be popular. NOT you, suckers!"

And that's true. It's not the silly (air quotes) Gift of the Gab people who will get ahead in life, it's the listeners. Because in the end life is about who you love and who love you back. And believe me, if you listen, you will seriously be loved back. People will always greet you with a huge smile that comes from the goodness of their heart. Because listening shows you care, you're interested in my life and my stories, no matter how boring/mundane/silly/pathetic they are.

That's why Frieda amazes me with her listening skills. Before I thought she's a good listener because of her job. But then I got a pleasantly shocking surprise when I met her sister Sharmila at a party. She too was a brilliant listener. And they are 4 sisters altogether. I'm sure the other 2 are also listeners.  I just want to know what gems of wisdom did their mother teach them while growing up that they're such good listeners now? And could we publish those gems into a book so that listening becomes a subject that all children are compulsorily made to study throughout school?


I don't mean to be preachy, but... oh, what the hell, I do. LISTEN when someone talks to you. Really listen.You don't need 'good listening' tips like "make eye contact, nod your head at appropriate times, say 'I see', 'uh-huh' occasionally, mirror the other person's body gestures." Bullshit. If you're genuinely interested in what the other person is saying, all these things will happen naturally.
So LISTEN. This world would be a better place if all of us did.

My birthday is round the corner, so it's time I wrote out a wishlist. And this year I thought I'd post it on the World Wide Web so it's more 'out there' in the Universe. (Not really, but I'm going to pretend, ok?)

Now, you're going to find a God-awful lot of shoes on this list. I completely agree with Bette Midler when she said "Give a girl the right shoes and she can conquer the world.". So help me conquer the world, won't you? I promise I'll make you my Prime Minister when I have.




My Birthday Wishlist.

Lots of 70% Dark Chocolate from Hotel Chocolat. A Dark on Dark Giant Slab would do, or the Dark Chocolate Batons. I don't want a cake. I'm lactose and gluten intolerant. Yes, I know, I miss out on the so-called 'good' food in life, so shoot me.


 These scrumptious slouchy gray suede boots worn here by Blake Lively.


 
Flowers. Love 'em.



Black velvet/ suede curtains. I'm a very light sleeper and there's a bloody stadium outside my window, where the lights are on till late.

The Sony Ericsson W995. I've been meaning to get this for ages, but always end up buying more shoes. Note: It HAS to be this colour.

Slouchy black suede boots.I need these in my life NOW!



Quirkyalone:  A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics by Sasha Cagen. I have been looking for this book for ages and ages in different countries. It's out of production, but I want it!!


A pink gym bag. The gym is my second home and I still haven't got myself a good gym bag. It has to be pink!
Chanel No. 5. I lurrrve this perfume. NO perfume beats this one.


Lace heels. I heart, heart, heart these!

A studded drawstring pouch handbag. Cute yet fierce. Like me. :)


Lace up heels. The black Loubs are fabulous. Two of my friends have high street copies, but I can't find them in my size. Grrr...






Warrior Of The Light by Paulo Coelho.  I've read this phenomenal book, but don't have my own copy.




Any or all of these boots. 



Brogue heels. They take the manliness out of flat brogues. This one's gorgeous.



 Studded strappy heels. They say: 'I'm nice, but I can also kick ass.'


 Fringed boots as worn here by Chanel Iman. These are Loubs. ALL women should be rich!

Strappy heels. Uber delicate and feminine.





 Dainty lacy earrings, my current jewellery obsession.










These slouchy boots. Did I mention I like boots?


 That's all. Last year I wrote out a wish list and I got half of what was on it. The Universe DOES listen to you and gives you what you really want, especially when you write it down. I hope you read my blog, dear Universe!

There's so much said and written about Gentlemen. Women love men who are chivalrous, who hold open doors for them, who are considerate, kind and courteous. But have you ever thought about "Gentlewomen"? Or, what I think in my head; is a Lady?

A Lady. According to me, these are women who are really considerate and courteous. They not only have good manners, but show them where it counts. Now if you're picturing a 60 year old lady from the upper echelons of society, that's not what I mean. By the time you're 60 you've (hopefully) acquired class and sophistication and are already a Lady. That's why we don't usually say '60 year old woman', we say '60 year old lady'.

I'm talking about girls who are in their 20s and are Ladies. Like the 22 and 23 year olds I have met that always open doors for me and let me go first, or keep holding the door open if I'm walking behind them. These girls are just a couple of years younger than me (Yes, that's right, I'm only 25. I know, my wisdom is beyond my years.) and have impressed me with this small but immensely nice gesture.

Some MEN I know forget to just keep a door open when there's a lady coming in behind them. Seriously, guys, is the door that heavy or are you afraid you'll waste 4.48 precious seconds of your life by holding onto it a little longer?

Another friend I recently met after ages showed me she was a Lady by insisting on taking one of the two bags I was carrying, and instinctively put out her hand to steady me when I was trying on a shoe standing up.

All of these are such small gestures but they make so much of a difference. And they don't go unnoticed because these women didn't need to do any of these things for me.

Here are a few more characteristics of Ladies:

• They honour their commitments and are punctual when meeting with girlfriends.
• They don't tease men. Yes, you're probably wondering- which woman DOES that? But I know quite a few thirty-somethings who raucously tease their male friends. Then they can't take it if the man-friend makes fun of them. Don't dish it out if you can't take it. Simple.
• They are there when their girlfriend needs them. But don't push this too far and become a constantly whiny/ needy woman or one who's constantly available for the whiny/needy one.
• They text or call back if they see your missed call or get voice mail from you. They reply back to messages/ wall posts on facebook.
• They are not afraid and are humble enough to compliment other women.
• Lastly, and most importantly, they LISTEN when a girlfriend talks to them. Many women like blabbering on and on without realizing that they don't give a chance for their friend to share, or don't listen when the friend talks. But more on this subject later. 

I have seen my share of non-Ladies, so it's so refreshing and delightful to meet girls who behave beautifully towards their own friends, and towards women of their peer group. That's why I said showing manners WHERE it counts. You see, many youngsters are usually well-behaved and respectful towards elders. But it's being considerate and courteous towards your peers that counts.

Talking of non-Ladies, I hate women that see a beautiful Lady, eye her up and down, and then put on a huh-she-think-she's-better-than-me look on their face. Seriously, what's that about? Just accept the fact that there are women prettier/taller/fashionable/richer than you are. There's more to life than checking out whether the other girl has shinier hair than you do.