Today's guest post is by Sahaj Kohli, a psychology student living
in Virginia, USA. I came across Sahaj and her amazing blog A Quarter Life Crisis when a post of hers was featured on Paulo Coelho's blog. I got in touch with her to compliment her on her work and we soon became fast friends even though we have the Atlantic Ocean between us. {Ah, the joys of the internet!}
I'm a huge fan of Sahaj's and the topics she writes about always resonate with me. So I was thrilled when she agreed to do a guest post for me. So without further ado, {drumroll please} ladies and gents, I present to you, Sahaj Kohli:
All my life I've been well behaved and accommodating. It's what
I was taught growing up. It's appropriate. It’s polite.
It’s also sacrificial, confining and somewhat submissive. I find
that I apologize for everything. I apologize for standing up for myself. I even
apologize when someone else bumps into me when walking down the street.
It’s my most natural reflex to apologize. On one hand, I’m proud
that I never hesitate to admit when I’m wrong and apologize. However, it becomes
a problem when I apologize just to lessen a blow, end a fight, avoid
confrontation, or break the silence.
Worst of them all is when I apologize and compromise my beliefs,
my feelings, my rights and who I am in order to make someone else feel better.
I’m learning now (better late than never), to firmly stand up
for myself, say what absolutely can’t go unsaid, give room for other people to
own their mistakes, and finally accept parts of me that I should never
apologize for.
Here’s what I’ve learned so far-
- Don’t ever apologize for what you believe in or for standing up
for what you believe in.
- Don’t apologize for who
or what you love.
- Don’t apologize for pursuing your passions, whatever that may
mean.
- Don’t ever apologize for where you are in life and the pace you
are moving at- be it faster or slower than the “norm”.
- Don’t apologize for your opinions, perspective or needs.
- Do apologize for being rude, inconsiderate or careless.
- Do apologize when you’re dishonest, late, or insensitive.
- Apologize when you make mistakes, even if they are accidental.
- Apologize for wasting someone else’s time.
- Apologize for making someone else feel inferior.
- Apologize for a poor choice of words even if the message was correct.
- Don’t apologize for doing what’s right for you regardless of how
that may make someone else feel but do
acknowledge how unfortunate the circumstance is and be sensitive to how it
affects someone else.
- Don’t ever feel bad for how you feel but don’t ever use your
feelings as an excuse.
- Don’t ever be too stubborn to apologize.
‘Sorry’ is such a natural word in my vocabulary, I’ve almost
forgot what it means and in the process have lost myself.
I have been doing an injustice to myself. By apologizing for
everything I’ve never really stayed true to who I am, what I’m not, what I
believe in, and what I deserve. And by not staying true to me, I’m doing an
injustice to the world.
So remember- be accommodating and willing to adjust, but never compromise
yourself and adjust a core part of what makes you you.
Be yourself, unapologetically,
S.K.
Sahaj Kohli is the founder and author of two blogs- A Quarter Life Crisis Blog and The Love Project. She's a storyteller, poet and lyricist. She
fights for social change, believes in truth over everything else and is an
active mental and emotional health advocate.
Follow Quarter Life Crisis blog on facebook HERE.
Follow The Love Project on facebook HERE.
Follow Sahaj on twitter HERE.
